Week of 8/7/17: Bonnie Prince Charles signs to be the spokesman for Ca$h-for-Gold

Discussion in 'Off topic - humor, oddities, videos, politics' started by zyzzyva57, Aug 11, 2017.

  1. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    According to a new report, reigning monarch Queen Elizabeth, 89, has named her 33-year-old grandson-not her eldest son and next heir to the throne Prince Charles, 67 - as her royal successor. Bonnie Prince Charles has signed to write a palace spill-it-all about "Mama, Dearest," as well as be the traveling court jester to stand out front at various Ca$h-for-Gold shops. Reports are Mama, Dearest, is not pleased, but she does understand the finer points of being a totally useless human.

    Trump Tweeted in December: “Boeing is building a brand new 747 Air Force One for future presidents, but costs are out of control, more than $4 billion. Cancel order!” Now the Air Force is considering the purchase of two 747-8s that were never delivered. See Gallery: Where 747s go to die (Victorville, CA) and Southern California Logistics Airport near Victorville, CA.

    BS-News (Roswell, N.M.): As news spreads throughout the "Twitter Worm Hole," both galaxies as well as universes are reeling from the news Tuesday (earth dating) Amazon is taking over heaven. Jeff Bezos told the press conference this "hook-up" is a natural fit. "Heaven has the brick and mortar, while Amazon will provide heaven with the crucial same day shipping of miracles."
    Jesus, the son of God, added. With Heaven being able to expedite Amazon's drone technology, Heaven in more and more of places will experience Old Testament like ''instant prayer fulfillment"--think how powerful this would be at such things as Super Bowl times, or Publishing Clearing House, or having the latest Tesla. "Frankly, the Super Bowl and Publish Clearing House giveaways simply overwhelms heaven, particularly our Angel Delivery. Heaven simply no longer can compete with Amazon Prime when it comes to answering prayers in a timely manner," said Jesus....

    BS-News (Bentonville, Ark.): Upon learning Amazon will move to take over heaven, Walmart struck back with the stunning news the company will join forces with hell. "Our super stores are already hellish to shop, so joining with Hell simply seemed like a natural fit," the Chief Operating Lizard of WMT told the press conference.
    Lucifer added, "If Amazon thinks its drone technology is so heavenly, wait till we dispatch our hordes of gremlins against em! Miracles and answered prayer requests will become a rain of sheer terror for the recipients. Imagine that new Tesla hitting you from above at warp speed will be more than discomforting, or your Super Bowl team raining down on you! We will definitely be unleashing the Hounds of Hell, or now Robots of Hell to attack any angel delivery!"...

    The Vatican, meanwhile, readies its S.E.A.L. Team 6 Exorcist for the looming Amazon/Walmart war …

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    As Netflix viewers continue to scour the new August stuff for hidden gems, particularly from the film distribution unit of Waste Management Systems (a Cramer fav company)
    Netflix's founder and Chief Operating Lizard is being praised for bringing to world-wide audiences the Centipede horror classics discovered in August's WMT movie dump into Netflix+...
    Mr. Reed Hasting is hinting at securing more works by the Dutch director and bad boy Mr. Tom Six.... Some are saying he could well be the next Stephen Spielberg of horror: the late Mr. Wes Craven....
    The VP for Netflix Original Production hinted at the same news conference that Netflix may move into "musical" Netflix Originals: "We are working with the teams who did "La La Land," as well as the team for the Broadway musical "Little Shop of Horror" for a musical adaptation for the fame "Centipede" horror movie series. "We feel such a Netflix production could play also on Broadway as it streams on Netflix, even perhaps becoming a future 'Hamilton'"…. "The climax will be the audience joining the cast to form a human centipede line to exit," speculated Reed Hasting. "These movies could well become a family tradition at Halloween. Screw losing Disney! We at Netflix are beyond proud to be associated with Mr. Tom Six."
    Some are speculating these movies together could well replace "Citizen Kane" as the best "movie" ever!

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