Week of 11/6/17: THANKSGIVINGS COMES EARLY: God has gifted us with the iPhone †

Discussion in 'Off topic - humor, oddities, videos, politics' started by zyzzyva57, Nov 10, 2017.

  1. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    OMG! OMG! OMG!
    Pope Paul upon receipt of his iPhone 10 decreed henceforth the iPhone 10 may be called the iPhone Cross (iPhone )…
    • Apple Stores are now CERTIFIED Apple/Vatican Stores West…Apple stock rises….
    • The new Apple/Vatican West Wing
    • iPhonecomes WITH A pre-shattered screen, like your self-respect (Breaking)—BUT, BUT, BUT iPhone owners report them healing both the owner as well as the God sent iPhone --SOME OWNERS ARE REPORTING THEIR PHONES BLEEDING, which has been certified by religious leaders as Stigmata …
    • Apple Store employees ARE reported speaking in tongues and handling snakes (MORE)…
    • Stocks sink on body part re-sellers, particularly kidneys: China’s best executioners now are becoming iPhone resellers, as eBay China quakes on the falling body part market—Amazon Prime India also flees selling body parts! … God and Allah are teaming up, rushing angels to Spaceship Earth for their new phones…
    • Herbalife has issued a special tonic to turbo drive the iPhone --Famed hedge funder Mr. Billy Ackman is NOT impressed, saying, “The company is just engaging in the same old same old—Same song, different words"
    • Upon receipt of his iPhone Cross, Mr. Jim Cramer screamed, collapsing. “Buy, don’t trade Apple!” He was rushed up the ass of the Chief Operating Lizard of Apple, and is now reportedly doing better….
    Hollywood and the NFL continue their rush to evaporation--shocked, I tell you, shocked, no one gives a damn….
    • Netflix and Amazon Stream may have to shut down, because of the lack of “acceptable” stars—Netflix may only have five movies and one foreign series to stream….
    • Turner Movie Classics' worry it, too, may have to shut down after Judy Garland reported through a medium some of the little Munchkins on the making of the “Wizard of Oz” in 938 encouraged her to join them for an "ice cream"—Butterfly McQueen alleges Clark Cable wanted her to deliver “something bigger than a baby” in the 1939 movie classic “Gone with the Wind”…
    Wall Street awaits to see who will be the first Chief Operating Lizard to be forced out, because of inappropriate something or other…A shout-out to the Navy: ‘Fat Leonard’ probe expands to ensnare more than 60 admirals...

    The Saudi's New Leader Restages "The Godfather": ISIS officials worry about the potential lack of executioners who can behead, as executioners rush to Saudi Arabia to reboot crowd pleasing beheading--Abdul, the Chop-Chop Man, says he loves being a star, and this is the big time: "If you can make beheading in Riyadh, then you can be an executioner anywhere--CHOP, CHOP!"

    Hillary Clinton, to rid herself of the insidious, unfair nickname "Hilda Beast," has graciously invited the now best selling author Donna Brazile for a tete-a-tete with some famous "pizza" in the wee hours at Fort Marcy Park, Cesspool, D.C.

    Retiring Extremely Okay Beat
    Misc.

    As you prepare for the holidays, don't forget the animals in your life, or could be in your life, please...


     
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