Week of 11/3/17: The Little Drummer Boy Brings Down Ol' Saint Dick

Discussion in 'Off topic - humor, oddities, videos, politics' started by zyzzyva57, Nov 3, 2017.

  1. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    A must see is the Netflix Comedy Special of Vancouver Transgender Devana DeMille—WHAT A HOOT! WARNING: this video slice is addictive!

    CDC, ATLANTA, GA: The Center for Disease Control warns the Remembrance Virusis is spreading! Female lawmakers allege harassment by colleagues in House!—The CDC, worried about zoonoses, fears Wall Street may be next! “We know of a lot of phony Lefties located on Tha-Street,” says Dr. Gregory House, “so we have notified the FED to warn corporations about an unusual outbreak of those who will want to spend more quality time with their families while receiving help from the now fame Harvey Weinstein Sexual Rehabilitation Institute--The Ol’ Harve-- located on the Riviera. Hedge funds are gearing up to flee this latest expensive outbreak of Chief Operating Lizard “reassignments”…

    The FED is watching Dallas, Texas: Famed, controversial oil man J.R. Ewing late Thursday decided he needed a "breather"from Ewing Oil, Inc., to spend more time with his family at his estate Southforth. His nemesis Cliff Barnes of Barnes Oil, Inc., said at summer camp in 1943 J.R. encouraged him to join him in a special circle. He sadly recounts the travails of becoming a “circle addict.” "For years, I covered my tracks in caring about helping the lads of the United States of Amnesia understand The Gnarly Hand of Capitalism when, well, I was more interested in my, my addiction."

    As mall owners removed Halloween themes to be replaced with the growing popularity of “Mall Mauling,” owners became what has been described as “genuinely scared sh*t-less” with the news Ol’ Saint Dick, at the start of the busiest season, has been seen at The Ol’ Harve Sexual Rehabilitation Institute.

    Mall Chief Operating Lizards are whispering about the now 2,017 year old “Little Drummer Boy’s” allegations that Old Saint Dick made unwanted advances toward him in the wee hours when malls were closed. “The old fart would have me come sit on his lap to discuss the North Pole,” The tearful Little Drummer Boy told the National Enquirer, adding “Old Saint Reprobate” implied I could be replaced with the latest iPhone…

    The Humane Society has put Rudolph, the Red Nose Reindeer, into its Witness Protection Program. “Freaky things did occur at the fame North Pole, Inc., toy factory,” one source told BS News…. Amazon’s Jeff Bezos says Amazon is adding red nose drones for Christmas deliveries: Prime, the Red Nose Drone….

    Walmart has dispatched its “Sherlock Holmes” to investigate a possible outbreak of “Santa Clause Gate at its Nowhither, Georgia, store….

    MR. WARREN BUFFETT has again been deputized by the FED to “save the day.” The Lone Legend with his ever faithful companion CNBC’s Teleprompter reading Becky Quick are expected to drive to Dallas from Omaha in his fame 1982 Blue Gran Torino GT—the “BUFFETT-MOBILE.” This is the same vehicle he drove to Wall Street in 2008 to save the day. “Frankly, when I perform an Intervention I only want to make a few billion dollars. I work to save the nation,” he told a packed news conference of sycophants at his favorite Omaha DQ....

    All is not lost! The Chief Operating Lizard of one famed Wall Street investment house reminds investors his firm makes billions regardless how the “fondling problems” spreading to Wall Street plays out with its investment strategy of “selling” bandages as well as the bullets, so speak: “We still love 2008! WHAT A GREAT X-MAS THIS YEAR COULD BE—BOO-BOO-HIPPY-YAH-EH, 2008 REDUX!”

    Sadly, Hollywood starlet wannabes have had to form a support group for starlets who never tasted wealth and fame by being involved with anything remotely inappropriate. “We still must toil at the Starbucks and Walmarts in Tensile Town. We hope though now to find a nice array of fresh starlet jobs for the newly promoted Lackeys of the Lizards who will want to reach-out, so to speak to us, as they replace their bosses.”

    PBS’s “Antique Roadshow” visit to Hollywood will have a segment on historic “Casting Couches.” The executive producer reminds owners NOT TO REMOVE ANY STAINS. “Cleaning furniture is still a major no‑no with antique furniture!”

    Walkteron, Indiana (BS News): The 2015 “Town to Deride” is back in the news as an outbreak of the rare off ridens ano tuo disease is sweeping the small town. Mayor Gabby Hayes, who himself recently laughed his ass off, said proctologists have been air lifted in to perform “buttock reattachment.” The retired movie star said the local pizza shop industry suffered after the 2015 attack on the town’s no‑name pizza. “We feel seeing the sanctimonious get some comeuppance is a turbo charged, super nice Christmas gift. I just wish Roy Rogers, Dale, Trigger and Bullet were still alive to see this.”

    Misc.
    In the week ahead, what high octane, phony Lefty spouting Chief Operating Lizard on Wall Street will be the first to need to spend time at The Ol’ Harve Sexual Rehabilitation Institute located on the Riviera?
     
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