The Week of 12/5/16: OMG

Discussion in 'Off topic - humor, oddities, videos, politics' started by zyzzyva57, Dec 9, 2016.

  1. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    In the holiday air are Sleigh bells, roasting chestnuts, singing bowties…….

    The Clinton Foundation announced a holiday special: the company will pay you-u $500,000 for a short speech by Hilary about your greatness…
    Goldman Sachs Chief Lizard's email to Hillary, of course, has been leaked (Will the Lizards NEVER learn not to email?):
    Dearest Hilly, sorry but as of now we have all of your wonderful speeches 'bout us we currently need; but, of course, in three years, we will be actively reevaluating possible needs. President Trump was nice enough to give us Secretary of Treasury, which should be adequate--though, of course, also receiving Fed Chairmanship would not be turned down. Love & Kisses, Lloyd B & Kang…..

    Amazon's Jeff Bezos proudly notified all Amazon shoppers, prime or not, Hillary's laugh sound buttons are now available for FREE one-day shipping to sober-up the most drunken rambunctiousness at ANY Xmas party or family gathering…

    The always gracious and caring Clinton Foundation, UN, and wide assortment of both Democrats as well as Republicans are coming together, unsurprisingly, to help one of their own: Anthony "The Schlong" Weiner...
    Seeking a rapprochement before the 2020 presidential race kicks back into its new season in January, Washingtonians have invited The Schlong to fly down for pizza and then swing over to The-Park to "discuss" how Washington can help him…
    Wife Huma Abedin told Page 13, "We cannot allow my husband having to resort to becoming a porn actor, or worse, selling his story to some fake news site"….
    Washington, D.C. authorities have temporarily lifted its ban on 13 shots in the back of the head suicides, so until 1/21/17 such incidents will be ordained as "misappropriation of bullets due to the election of Trump, as well as fake news"….

    The Fighting League of Lard-Ass Women spokeswoman says her group will fight over ANY Hillary item, and "We will angrily, though happily, spill out into any available parking lot and as a bonus, even fight over a Walmart full parking lot trashcan" ...

    & Other Dodgy NewZ

    Well-l, let's see, hmmm, oh, Fed Rate increase? The main stream media says we will get one of 1/4 of a penny (aka 25 Basis Points)…
    Let's see, hmmm, main stream media predicted a defeat for Brexit, Hillary would win, nothing to PizzaGate, so, we can definitely go with the latest prediction the Lizard Woman will hike in Dec (What if, what if Lizard Woman waited till Trump's first 100 days to throw some sand in his gears? Hiking in Feb could do wonders in screwing up President Trump's ACTUAL start)…

    Grandpaw Buffett is praising Obama for his stand against any pipeline…"Nothing to do with me owning a huge, huge train company that carries a huge amount of oil," opines the famous "Mr. Integrity" and Hillary supporter. "When traffic travels by rail, society benefits," Grampaw "GIT OFF MY EFF'ING, GD LAWN, YA EFFING LITTLE SCAMPS" Buffett explained to Becky Q on CNBC's weekly "Buffett Worship"…

    "Read till your eyes burn and your brain boils," admonishes Mr. Billy "Goat" Gates....Mr. Billy Gates on his blog brags about the books he reads that have been ok'd by his legal & PR teams….
    His current actual reads are as follows:

    "Look," says Billy Goat, "When I want to read a effing book, I just fly the freaking author in to tell me 'bout his g-d book, okay?! If the author is dead I order God to do some old time resurrection. Call it a perk being richer than God, okay?!NOW, GIT OFF MY GD LAWN AND GO PLAY IN THE HIGHWAY!"

    Trump Beat

    Trump canceled 2 new Air Force Ones from Boeing for a Trump Air Force One

    WINK-WINK DIPLOMACY & Trump does a rope-a-dope:
    Of course the main stream press missed President elect Trump and Al Core visited to discuss cutting a deal to repatriate Apple's billions back to U.S. Such a deal will add loot to our tax coffers, while Trump hinted a softening on Global Warming, or Chilling, or Whatever…
    Gore's $172M stash of Apple stock, where he is a board member. could, oh, say, double--A SHOUT-OUT TO CRONY CAPITALISM AND A MEETING WITH SANCTIMONIOUS LIBERALS!!!...
    Core had one minor Oops Moment when hee-hee "accidentally" left his prototype Steve Jobs Anniversary iPhone 8 for 2017 designed by Transgender wunderkind Maquel "Tatter Tot" Chabon with the Trumpster (Tatter Tot recently was rejected as the new Secretary of Defense by the Trumpster)…
    "Gosh darn, and that phone was, was ACCIDENTALLY wrapped in a million shares of Apple, OMG. And, and that, that gosh darn phone is set to begin Twittering! I am so ashamed, not," opined a winking, grinning Mr. Gore, as he boarded his fuel guzzling private jet to head to a Global Weather shake-down conference…

    "BATHROOM SUPPLY COMPANIES ARE IN A NOSEDIVE after President elect Trumps "Twitters" male, female, & family bathrooms should be sufficient for businesses & schools….
    Congress will meet in January with the Fed and Goldman Sachs to create a $999.99B bail-out program for the nation's corporation and school bathroom infrastructure….
    "We will work with the Republicans to create a juicy TARP for many, many more 'Bathrooms to Nowhere,'" explained Nancy Pelosi when she told her "pork" hungry Democrats, and, of course, the ever eager Republicans, who remain eager to crawl across the aisle to ass-kiss….
    "I jest ain't seen me no butt I ain't ready to kiss," opined Republican Senator "Moon Pie" Watkins

    PLEASE STEP BACK IF YOU HEAR ANYONE USING THE FOLLOWING WORD ABOUT TRUM!

    Existential is a weasel word: President Barack Obama saying the Islamic State group isn't an existential threat to the United States… Existential is the ineffable dread an individual has--Existential is NOT a synonym for existing! Trump may dread something, but his action is NOT an existential moment or issue (Source) Trump would not know an "existential moment" if it smacked him….

    Trending:


    The N.Y. Times is in deep research to determine what to designate as the Nation's Official Problem: Trump or Fake News after Trump's election: "Global Warming / Chilling, as well clowns, transgender bathrooms have lost as a way the nation should get its panties in a wad," said the paper's "Top Problem for this News Cycle" editor Mr. E. Coli…
    OPS! STOP THE PRESSES! This news cycle of BS is showing: Fake News has replaced Transgender being the #1 concern of the nation!

    Promises NOT kept -- Barbara Streisand & gang, the ball is in your court to move to Canada and Mars…. Sanctimonious Liberals, just once walk your talk…
    Oops, A Celeb keeping her Promise…Score 1 for the Home Team! Hollywood, you need to step up (or down) now….

    Language wise, how is "…, you know?" the 21st Century's "ugh, ugh" trending?
    "What a great question" is moving ahead the generic just a good question….

    The Pedantic's Word of the Week: Mountweazel

    & Seriously

    Don't forget this holiday a gift to or from your local Kill Shelter for your next pet…. See real happiness

    Thank you, Mr. Trump, if you do this



     
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