Research: Conference Calls

Discussion in 'Off topic - humor, oddities, videos, politics' started by zyzzyva57, Jul 30, 2016.


Do you think Yahoo's Malissa Myers deserves more than $125-million dollars to go away?

  1. I think Cramer should have a "Wall of Honor" for such CEOs

    0 vote(s)
  2. I think she & the board should each eat a live frog on a special "Mad Money"

    0 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    What is not discussed is the secret primary duty of a CEO and the Board of Directors: the huge pay raises, increase in perks, and positively delicious Golden Parachutes. Today's CEO and board are richly rewarded well for failure, or success.

    A CC has 3 parts: CEO comments, CFO report, and Q&A from analysis.

    The opening remarks by the CEO is insightful about the company. The CFO's comments are difficult to understand with a lot finance background. Anaylsis question are relative.In Cramer's book Get Rich Carefully, he has an excellent list of what he watches for in CCs

    CEO Speak

    Headwinds are the excuses for failures--other than not mentioning the company had competition, e.g., the weather, currency, Brexit, Amazon, etc. (See if other companies in the sector had the same issue, e.g., Lowes compared with HD, or vice-versa).
    Tailwinds is $ucce$$ due to the implied CEO's wonderfulness
    Next Quarter will really, really, positively, absolutely, 100%, wow you (e.g.,"You Just Wait till Next Quarter, and WOW-W," such as Klaus "Next Quarter" Kleinfeld, CEO and Chairman of Alcoha)
    Diluted Shares is what the common investor will have AFTER the Richer than Gawd class (e.g., Buffett) gets done with their feasting should issues arise
    Non-GAAP accounting is creative accounting to make the company look better. A CEO will mention this in the opening remarks. This could be a potential red flag worth investigating. SEC doesn't care, and Cramer never goes into this.

    Report on a secret meeting of hypocritical CEOs about how egregious CEO pay is (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!)

    I am currently compiling here an easy to use list of Conference Calls for this quarter.

    Rough cost of a CEO to appear for 10-minutes on "Mad Money"

    NO-O self-respecting CEO is going to spend an afternoon for a brief appearance on the show when s/he can hit the company to pay for 3 days of top level fun, geez!
    • Airport costs for the CEO's personal Gulfstream (paid for by the corporation) for 3-days (1 day for arrival, 1-day for appearance, and 1 day to leave). Imagine the cost of Buffett doing one of his CNBC "dog and pony" show--ohmygawd!
    • Penthouse for Top Dog, then for the staff of sycophants, body guards, lawyers, and accountants, each with the best room in the most expensive hotel in NYC--BUT NOT BETTER THAN THE CEO!
    • 100 foot long, fully armored black Limos for Big Show and syncophants
    • Nine of the best meals available for all
    • Gawd only can imagine the additional perks just for the CEO
    Enjoy the next Cramer interview with a CEO. If you own some shares in the company, imagine the costs for that appearance.
  2. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    A shout-out to my gurl Ms. Malissa Myers, who to the end of her illustrious reign, is a gift that keeps on giving
    The board should ASAP up her "Go Away and Spend More Time with Your Family" award to $200-million dollars:

    A listing has been published today on TheRealDeal Dark Web marketplace, claiming to be offering data on over 200 million Yahoo users.
    – While Yahoo says it is currently investigating the breach, the listing has almost instant credibility since it’s been put up for sale by the infamous Peace_of_Mind (Peace), the same hacker behind many other verified and proven breaches. If the name still doesn’t ring a bell, you should know that Peace previously sold data dumps from sites such as LinkedIn, MySpace, Tumblr,, and In total, this hacker sold the personal details of over 800 million users, and probably more.

    As a Yahoo email user, thank you
    (Getting out of an Email adr ain't possible)

    Oh, Missy Malissa is not alone in taking it to me

  3. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

  4. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

  5. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

  6. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    Let's do a pretend TV award Show called "Wall Street Weekly Ooze" to keep up with those water bugs on caffeine, the modern day CEOs

    Shows opens with a lot of screaming and yelling of delight…

    The Host, Snarky does some jokes and banter about the latest CEO antics, then he gets terminal cancer serious (close up): "Missy Heather Bresch (born Heather Manchin), puh-leaze step up. (She leaves a wake of applause as she joins Snarky on stage.) You get the coveted "Missy Marissa Mayer Snark" award for this Wall Street Week Ooze. Yes, Mr. Cramer?"

    Cramer: "I call what happened a Glitch."

    Snarky winks at the camera, then moves on: "Heather, what a great job with Mylan pharmaceuticals. Terrific job setting off the EpiPen kerfuffle. The Wall Street pantheon of sociopaths appreciate what you did with the cost of the EpiPens. Heather, doth we smell a nice pay raise after the dust settles?"

    Heather: (Cute grin) "I can only hint Yahoo's Missy Marissa Mayer could be giving me some nice insights, should I, I have to resign to spend more time with my family. Audience, who is more cute, me or Mayers--more taunt? Thank you!"

    Snarky: "Heather, hit up the board for at least 150-million dollars to go away should this be required. You got to beat Marissa's paltry 125-million dollars to go spend more time with her family

    Heather: "Did you know my da da is a U.S. senator? That, that should give me some edge, you, you would think. I so love Washington Cronyism. Don't you?"

    Snarky: "Moving on. Let us welcome Mr. Ray Rothrock, Chairman and CEO of RedSeal. Mr. Rothrock receives the 'Tod Davis Award in Cyber Security.'" Terrific visit on Mad Money for 8/25/16. A tip, Ray, from Tod: You came across as wanting to challenge hackers. Not good, not good....Mr. Manny Chirico, CEO of PVH, please join Mr. Tim Cook of Apple and Mr. Marc Russell Benioff of CRM on the stage. Mr. Chirico, we officially add you to the Mr. Jim Cramer Fan Boy Club. With this honor, Mr. Crammer will drool over you on each and every show--"

    Cramer: "Hey, Hey, Manny, I pledge to mention you every night--and you, too, Timmy and Marc Russell Benioff--Timmy, get Marc Russell Benioff to show you how to grow one of them cool beards. Drop your Jobian pull-overs--Stevie J is still so dead--and go open collar. Should the iPhone 3,402,442 not work out, you need to up your coolness. Marc Russell Benioff can show you how."

    Tim Cook: "He is so darn cool I confess I, I do get the chills just looking at him."

    Chirico: "Cramer, PVH has a nice line of open collar shirts

    (Applause along with hoots and hollers)

    Snarky: "Let's get serious. I learned some just awful news: Mr. Bill Gates is now only worth a paltry $90 billion! Alas, with his age, the odds against him reaching a trillion dollars is not good.

    Jerry Lewis suddenly appears: "Billy, Snarky, I am available for a telethon.

    Snarky: "Let's Make Bill Gates the First Trillionaire! Telethon for him.

    Jerry Lewis: "We could have Bikini & Jock strap wearing volunteers doing nation-wide car washes."

    Snarky: "Mr. Warren Buffett, put down that Coke and DQ hot dog and join us on stage. Sadly, I think we can safely say you will be unable to reach the trillion dollar worth."

    Mr. Buffett: "Devoting myself to the Hillary Clinton campaign is worth it. The nation's needs her honesty. Something, I am well-known for advocating in business."

    Snarky: "Warren, any parting words besides 'buy wonderful businesses seen as cigar butts'?"

    Mr. Buffett: "Yes, I do, Snarky. I am a very, very good liberal as long as I can avoid living within a liberal world. I love taxes as long as I can legally avoid them."

    Snarky (laughing): "Join us next week. The CEOs are the proverbial busy little beavers. Them rascals write their own show!"
  7. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    Unfortunately, no resolution in the spirited contest here at Snarky Awards for who will make out best in the category of "sally forth to spend more time with ye family; and, oh, by the way, take this 125 million dollars we don't need, because investors are such wunderful saps."
    We still think taunt butted Missy Marissa Mayer will win. However, however, percentage wise, Epipen CEO Missy Heather Bresch could pull a ka-ching of a sockdolager out of the ye ole' money bag. Snarky frankly likes her, because Snarky doeth like stiffing the sick. Hey, hey, we are all about those sociopaths and psychopaths who haunt Wall Street and CNBC! LOOK, THEY GIVE TO THE CLINTON FOUNDATION, AS WELL AS GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY, SO, SO THERE! YA, YA CRITICS AND SNARKS, JUST GO PLAY IN THE STREET!
    • Would it not be so positively wunderful when a CEO, CFO, or Board Member of say Scum Bag Industries, Inc. walked out after being rhetorically asked "to spend more time with the family" and simply say with fake tears: "I regret having messed up. I leave now shattered, just shattered, with only 125-million dollars to soften my embarrassment." S/he, thereupon, takes out a rubber sword and commits a symbolic Seppuku Ceremony of embarrassment and contrition?
    • The Snarky Award for "You are the wind beneath my wings" this week goes to... CRM's bon vivant/Cramer Darling Marcy Bennioff. What a positively dazzling Conference Call he performed, and later encore performance on "Mad Money." Sadly, Master Cramer somewhat swooned, but whose counting, because it was Mr. Bon Vivant. "Look, Jim, it is perfectly acceptable for me to worry 'bout gender and bathrooms than those pesky bottom line numbers," he did not opine. "This worry certainly helped Target not to meet its numbers," he, of course, did not add. I am, by the way, appalled (not Snarky) with a Seeking Alpha columnist daring--daring--to write this: "There are reasons not to own CRM shares. Lack of GAAP profitability, slowing growth — maybe, a competitive environment, variable results — but misalignment of interest ought not to be a consideration in making a decision to purchase or not purchase these shares." YOU SIR, ARE HEREBY BEING CALLED OUT! YOU SIR ARE THE TYPE WHO WOULD SAY THE RENOWNED ARTISTE MR. JACKSON POLLOCK COULD NOT PAINT! WE AT THE PRESTIGIOUS SNARKY AWARDS WILL NOTHING TO DO WITH THOSE WHO WOULD DARE SUGGEST THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES! A BIG "HARRUMPH" SNARKY AWARD TO YOU, SIR, AND YOUR ILK!
    • Excitement is in the air for the next iPhone homage. Should make some nice juice for the next Apple Conference Call. I imagine, though, Mr. Timmy Cook may be too busy with gender and bathrooms to worry about the next iPhone iteration. Tip to Timmy: torry, but the Steve Jobs look is so, so out. You so should have Marcy Bennioff to give you some fashion tips, just saying, just saying.) He is handling that pesky EU mess well. So a temporary Snarky to him.
    Apple Corp has decided to avoid spending its cash reserves on paying back taxes, and has chosen to buy the EU instead. ‘It’ll mean Europe being controlled by an unelected, faceless organization that answers to no man,’ said Tim Cook, CEO, ‘so nothing new there then.’ On the face of it the deal seems expensive, but Apple insists all its employees use Apple products, so the revenues from replacing millions of EU government PCs will offset the difference between the unpaid taxes and the total value of the EU, a “‘wenty Euro shortfall at most’ by Tim Cook’s estimation.

    Critics claim the purchase is unnecessarily expensive, and Apple could have achieved the same results just by buying Ireland, however Cook points out, ‘been there, done that already.’

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