Report on Dreamforce 2016

Discussion in 'Off topic - humor, oddities, videos, politics' started by zyzzyva57, Oct 7, 2016.

  1. zyzzyva57

    zyzzyva57 Active Member

    Some of you attending Dreamforce no doubt wondered who this was? Well, it was me: Mr. Sheeple
    One of the nice things being in a sea of hypocrite super liberals is when asked about my attire, I would snap, "Ya against transmenwearingbags? Well, are you-u!" And you would scurry, crestfallen….
    Dreamforce, is, of course, the annual user conference hosted by Salesforce.com, held in San Francisco.
    These shows are extravaganzas with live entertainment and rowdy good times ALL paid for by Mr., Mrs., Miss, Investor--BOOOOOOOO-YAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

    Wearing scuba gear I had inherited, I had to fly to and from San Fran in the wheel well of one of the oodles of Home Depot zillions of Gulfstream g650s dispatched from Air HD, Atlanta, to the big confab (I live in "Deliverance Country" near Atl)

    Festivities began and ended at the San Fran airport:
    "MY GULFSTREAM G650 IS BIGGER THAN YOURS!" was the cry this past week as CEOs from around the world converged on San Fran in a massive Gulfstream-Lear Jet Circle J*** formation called "Dreamforce"
    "I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU WILL SHOW ME YOURS!" was squealed even more than how scared they were about Global Warming and a Trump presidency
    The FAA in the wee hours often were called in to stop Gulfstream and Lear jet drag racing by madcap CEOs

    Wed's "Mad Money" began somber with Cramer, dressed as a clown, saying, "Tonight, may I be serious rather than Jim. I am doing the entire program as me the clown 'WTF.' I want to come out and confess my critics have been correct: I am the clown WTF."
    WTF was joined by his hero bon vivant Mr. Mark Bennioff of Salesforce, the dynamo of Dreamforce, who came out also in clown attire.
    A very sad Mr. Bennioff said he was interrupting Dreamforce to state his support for transclowns.
    "We are close to voicing a boycott of South Carolina for the state's lack of a law supporting transclown specific bathrooms. "Public Schools need transclown bathrooms for the clowns in their mist. We will still continue to service South Carolina, but we won't like anything but the money. Sorta how we feel about dealing with Saudi Arabia and transgenders."

    Thursday, Cramer was Global Warming/Hillary Clinton support serious when he took us for a visit to the most popular workshop at Dreamforce.
    The workshop was "Screwing the Investor to Pay for Another Damn Useless Conference."
    Mr. Bennioff proudly preseneded to the CEOs in attendance Salesforce's tie-in to "Einstein," IBM's mammoth computer. Me. Bennioff proudly said, "We can show within less than a second how to get 'the most bounce to the ounce' in investor screwing!
    Want an investor paid vacation to gay Paree, well, plug in what you want and, and viola! How 'bout a snappy visit to Paris for Aéronautique: attirer et former les jeunes Forum 'organisé par l’Académie de l’Air et de l’Espace, l’IESF et la 3AF' conference? Sure sounds bon appétit to moi, if I ain't eh paying."
    Mr. Benniof fgiggled and winked.
    Mr. Bennioff then yelled, "WHOSE A BIG FAT SUCKER!" Attendees yelled back, "WE JUST WANT OUR HOOKERS!"
    After correcting the attendees, they yelled, "INVESTORS! INVESTORS! INVESTORS ARE THE BIG FAT SUCKERS!"

    A breakout session from this workshop was "Screwing the Investor with Golden Parachutes"… Wells Fargo CEO and Chairman of the Board "Pinocchio" Stumpy and still growing nose "Snout" were the surprise guest lecturers. "Socialize loses, privatize loses," Snout channeling Stumpy told the audiences. Both received standing Os.
    Emergency sessions were necessary due to the popularity of the pair.

    Friday, the touching moment came at the end of the Dreamforce when participants in clown attire joined Jimmy and Marc to cut their tongues with paper, then as they bled for transclowns everywhere, they sang"We Are the World."

    Friday, the touching moment came at the end of the Dreamforce when participants in clown attire joined Jimmy and Marc to cut their tongues with paper; and as they bled, rage against Trump, scream their support for transclown toilets, concluding with singing "We Are the World."

    After hugs, over the roar of Gulfstreams and Lears, more rages against Trump, sadness for transclowns not having their own toilets, I climbed back in the wheel well of my trusty HD Gulfstream. A bit chilly back, but I was warm from Global Warming.

    Thank you, Home Depot Air. Invite more of your investors to come along for a ride. I plan on using HD for a flight to the next presidential debate. (Thank gawd for Global Warming if you fly wheel well!)
     
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