The Care and Feeding of My DG Razor--Quarterly Report

[zyzzyva57]

I bought a package of 12 Dollar General razors for, dah, a dollar

Right off, I was obviously pleased to get two bonus razors!

(There is a gawd, and he is just at times)

The basic metric here then is hard to establish, because, obviously 12/$1 does not work--I am not sure how to factor in those 2 bonus blades to get a solid metric

I also sported for a can of Gunk Liquid Wrench, which is DG's knock off of WD-40 (sorry, my Master (Cramer), I did not go for Best of Breed) at $1.50

I bought one can of DG shaving lather for $1

Thus, the next metric is Tot Cost ($3.50) compared to CVS's $6.49

Once in the shower, I lather up and move to my next metric I am testing: how long should I wait before shaving after lathering up...I am sensing the metric here is 61.98723 seconds--but I have not completed my homework, so I could be wrong (Master Cramer is no help, alas)

Once I complete a Shave, I scrub down the razor, dry it, and then give it a good squirt of Gunk, for I have established what dulls a razor is oxidation and not shave-qua-shave (to be philosophical)

Once a week, I run my DG razor through the dishwasher (along with all my dishes) to give the blade what in the car biz is called Detailing...Once done, two squirts of Gunk for the "shine."


I can report my razor is going strong after 3-months! And in this Conference Call, I expect this razor to last through the next quarter. I am still establishing in my R&D program how many squirts of Gunk is in a can, as well as in the shaving cream can. With powerful savings in sight, the upcoming holiday season should be more joyous with the added $0.08 I am saving Total Costs Per Shave. DG razors, Gunk, and shaving cream are definite buys at this time!

[Svenwulf]

You just can't make this stuff up! i was worried when you posted the first DG razor thread, and now i have to speak up: you really need to replace that wd-40/ liquid wrench with lubricant containing silicon, or preferably teflon. From experience, the only use i have for the wd is a spot remover (always test on a non- visible patch)

Also wondering if "laddering" your dozen blades (think bonds) could add to wear time? also, we must account for dishwasher time, perhaps a solid .000002 to .000005/wash cycle, depending on circumstance would be appropriate. and how about lather time? the water/ time cost can only be calculated if we know our time variable- and if we can shave 10-20 seconds off this i think we save more than anything realized with the dishwasher.

Aside from the humor, i found this interesting because this is how a good corporate citizen views life. cut costs, operate as effeciently as allowed by law. i have to say, if one NEEDS to save on your shaves, perhaps the market is not the appropriate place for one's money or effort. thanks again, and good luck all!

PS- so, financials are filed, when do we get the conference call? what does marketing have to say about upcoming "razor saver" sales? homework, homework, homework!

[zyzzyva57]

Hmmm, silicon or telflon? What about those industries?

The positive outlook is neither is located in some third rate country with a thugocracy with a leader who loves gaudy uniforms

Telflon? What sector would be most affected if teflon works better than "WD-40"?

Should I use up my can of Gunk, then switch to telfon? Presently my DG Razor should easily finish out Sept, and I sense the razor could cut through Oct

I confess the Gunk adds to my shave, though I have to shower my face well, for there is that hint of Gunk odor


To be brutally frank, I throw in the razor anytime I have to wash clothes or dishes--when the bath is completed, I immediate Gunk my razor

Is all this worth it? When I "Excel" the numbers, I may well not have to buy razors for 2 years! This alone annualizes out to $1! If telflon works better than Gunk, I could see not having to buyi razors for 3-years. This produces metrics Master Cramer would adore, particularly positive growth is involved (a la beard growth)

I am also helping the environment by throwing less plastic into the garbage

I am on the outskirts of feeling pretty gosh darn proud of myself, I must say

BOOYAH

[Svenwulf]

sorry i have chubby fingers, i think it is spelled teflon, like the stuff they coat the frying pans with. i use something called tri-flow, mnft'd by sherwin williams. i believe teflon is a du pont product. but i am pretty sure it is petro based, so prolly still at the mercy of flashy dressing goons.

when i did the math, you were on track for 3 years (12 blades* 3 months/blade= 36 months) so, for $1/ can gunk vs questionable result of $8+/can, not much reason to switch. this completely ignores unit price/ lubricant, our missing metric. perhaps teflon smells better than gunk, so that could be levered to cologne/ aftershave costs?

what about the growth rate metric? i would think rate of beard growth to remain constant, unless the shaver is young.

i do applaud your land fill savings. i think this is becoming appealing to corporate america, but for very little to do with the enviroment. you see, if you can save money, whatever the method, the corporate citizen is interested, that much is plain. but add this to the incalculable value of good/ green press, and madison ave might be on to something. i read in a book they call that synergy.

[zyzzyva57]

More g-great news on the DG razor front! As of 9/15/06, my DG razor still shaves like new!

To celebrate, I went by my local Dollar General and picked up a gallon of DG wine--Green Lizard

This red wine has a rich aroma and tart taste, and why not at 90 proof

I enjoyed Green Lizard after a shave...My wine cellar is my bathtub where after a shave I simply pour a gallon of this delicious wine atop me head and let it run down as I slurp the delicious nectar (I confess sometimes I do not even have to use water to shower)

I think it is wise of DG to sell Green Lizard as an aftershave lotion, thus allowing this wine to be sold on Sunday

I learned about Green Lizard noticing the homeless were able to enjoy wine, so I investigated

At a $1 per gallon you simply cannot go wrong

In sum: DG scores again

(Unfortunately, DG's Turnips in a Kan taste more like Kudzu in a Kan, but I am not sure turnips can taste any other way)

Next week, please remember my DG razor in your prayers

[zyzzyva57]

Sad news: my DG razor died this week

I became careless and left it out wet, so the next time I shaved, I almost ripped off one side of my face

The good news is I turned the razor into gold

See, one of my hobbies is finding two random words and seeing if I can that on eBay, and I found a nifty electron microscope WITH power supply

I was the high bidder at $1.01

I realized too late why I won! Shipping was $13,000--but the good news was my scope would be shipped by FedX and we know Master Cramer loves FedX

My scope arrived the evening my DG razor died

I figured with my electron microscope I could see what wounded atoms were within my razor blade and perhaps I could replace just those hurt atoms

After my confrontation with neighbors and landlord concerning the serveral crates occupying the parking lot, I got my electron microscope into my apartment, filling every darn room

At 4 am I turned on my scope

As soon as I put my DG razor under the scope, the plastic melted and blade turned to gold

The bad news was the FBI burst in

Seems the nuclear reactor power supply was actually a modified atomic bomb

The theif that had stolen the microscope from an Air Force nuclear armory had also stolen one of the atomic bombs

The wise thief had then converted the bomb to a power plant

I confess I thought something was amiss with the way I began to glow (and still do)

The good thing about glowing is you can be your own power supply, thus saving enormously on power bills

I am starting Oct with a new DG razor

My package of blades is now down to 10

I vow not to be careless with this blade, because thanks to the FBI I no longer have what could have become my beloved electron microscope to study the atoms of my razor blade

I guess though everything happens for the best

I know it would not have been practical to lug my scope down to a pond to see the atoms of amoeba and the like

Sticking myself with a pin for blood to see under a microscope is out, because needles in me now turn to gold

(My doctor likes this)